gotta get by !

[zephyr drew clayton]

The sun was just beginning to peak over the heap of trees that cluttered the back of the campus. The bright rays struggled to climb over the leaves, showering the grounds with a new light to bring the next round of day. Most of the students were settled into their dorms, still stuck with the drone of sleep from the night of partying that happened to fill many of the students Saturday nights. But for one particular student, the morning was a great time to track out on campus and get the breaking of dawn. Zephyr’s feet were silent as they slumped over the ground, dragging his pleading body forward toward the higher point on the campus where he could get a few good shots of the sunrise. His rather gangly limbs combined with the rough terrain made it a trip of disaster. Zeph had only been walked for about ten minutes now and he already had a tear in his jeans at the knee where his knee was bleeding a bit from falling on the small gravel trail he’d been walking on.

His hair was mangled with a tangle of leaves and twigs from where he’d battled the wooded surroundings. When he finally broke through to the lift in the landscape, a smile spread over his lips. It was beautiful, just the way he knew it would be. The way the sun had just hit the daisy’s popping up from a solemn night of slumber against the fresh spring grass made it a perfect shot for his scenery class. Zephyr stopped in the middle of the field, lowering his thin body down to the field. He leaned back, looking up at the still dark skin. Just a few streaks of pink gave away that the new day was about to begin. Zephyr’s hands folded up over his stomach, staring up at the clutter of stars that were fighting to keep burning against the rays of light. He watched the memory flash across the skies; seeing the same face that used to be able to fill his life every day; every moment when he needed it to appear most.

It’d been summer. The breeze had just rushed in from the storm the day before. Night was falling down over the duo of houses. Their backyards were joined, only separated by a thin line of pine trees that were freshly drinking up the bright grace of a new down poor. Zephyr came stumbling back from the back door of his house. His lip bleeding and the taste strong in his mouth. “Get back here, you stupid little fagot.” The husky voice was drained by alcohol, making it slur and sputter at parts. Zephyr coughed, watching as the blood fell to the back step. Another thing he’d have to clean up in the morning. His arm was grabbed, yanking him back but to only drive a steady hand across his face. Zeph had learned a long time ago and whining and crying out in pain only made the beatings last longer. He fell to the grass with a wince, feeling his face pulse where the new bruise was forming. “The next time I come home and you’re still awake, you get to live out here.”

The voice slurred again, but it was already starting to blur. Zephyr turned his face, watching the gentle glow of the window next door flicker from someone ducking out of sight as his face turned. But he didn’t need to see the face to know who it was. Just a while longer, he was accompanied by another person, but this time, he welcomed the presence. “You d-d-don’t have to help m-me Nate,” he muttered out, glancing up toward his best friend. He winced as he watched Nate look over his battered body, taking count on the damage. Minutes later, he was huddled up on Nate’s bed with the blankets drawn over both of them. They gazed out the window in the dark room, counting the stars and talking with gentle whispers. Then, they had just been friends. Cuddling together in Nate’s bed was a normal thing for them to do considering it had been to save Zephyr from a night of terror; from a night if wondering if he was going to be alive in the morning.

Now, he’d give anything just to be able to simply hug his best friend. For the past two years, Nate had been the one thing that had been withdrawn from his life. Zephyr had made his way to a perfect college when he had been allowed to forget about what used to happen to him. All that was supposed to matter now was his future and what he was going to do with it. But little moments like these reminded him of so much. He blinked, feeling the bit of dampness run down the side of his cheek. Zeph hadn’t even noticed he’d been crying. He quickly sat up, jerking his eyes away from the stars and bringing his hand up to clear his cheek. It was simple, but complicated at the same time. His best friend leaving him had made him realize that they had never really been friends at all, but something more than that. Now, it was too late to do anything about it. All of their contact had been cut off, despite Nate’s promises to keep in touch.

No matter how much he should, all he could feel for his friend was… was what? Love? That’s what it was, but it was such a big word to say that Zephyr found it hard to even think it. He shifted on his knees, wincing at the scrap as he dragged his camera from his bag. He forced the thoughts away, not wanting to get over taken by the feelings. He adjusted the lens, focusing in on the perfect framing. The trees were stretched up, biting into the crimson colored sky. The pink was kissing the rim of the dark night, licking away the wounds from the night. He snapped a few shots before packing his things up and starting back down the path. He was quiet, only trying to avoid getting anymore hurt. When Zephyr reached the path that would take him back to the school, he had already picked all the leaves from his hair and made sure the cut on his eyebrow and lip had stopped bleeding. The sun was more defiant now, warming the gentle spring day into another realm of campus life.

A small clash of noise caused him to glance up from his camera. With a sigh, he smirked to himself at the sight of another person stumbling against the pathway back to the dorms. They weren’t that far from each other really. Just another minute of walking and they’d be crossing paths. He stopped, lifting his camera and taking a shot. Of course, he’d never publish it. Zephyr just thought it was funny to watch some of the other students when they were caught off guard or didn’t even know they were having their picture taken. He glanced down at the screen, glancing over the shot. The smile was practically slapped from his face when he scanned the face. His head jerked up, looking again. Instantly, Zephyr felt his heart pound against it’s encasement. His breathing felt short and the emotions drifted over him quickly in different waves. It was.. It was… “Nate,” he whispered to himself.


_______________
STATUS finished.
WORDS 1246 words.
NOTES <33333.

[nathaniel spencer harlow]

THERE WAS A SLIGHT DISCOMFORT, CONFUSION

[/b] as the young (if you consider twenty-one still young) male awoke at some point during the night. Or was it morning now? Honestly, the boy didn't know. His mind was still in a bit of a drunken state from a few hours earlier. And he really wasn't all that certain of where he was. All he knew was that he was in a bed, in some house, next to someone. Most of the night just seemed to be a complete blur to him. A jumbled mess of make outs, drinks, bongs, and various other activities. For some odd reason, he had a feeling that a game or two of strip poker had been involved.

To be completely honest, this is what life had been like for Nathaniel Harlow within the past two years.

Maybe it was just the whole general concept of being in college, being away from parents, living out those final years to have a fun time. Sure, he missed home, his family, his friends.... his best friend. Or maybe it would be former now. It had been so long, so fucking long. And he had known he'd promised to keep in touch. There was another one of Nate's endless supply of broken promises. He was just always so overwhelmed. Or should that be in quotes? After all, the boy just seemed to always be more at a party than anything. And even when he wasn't at a party, he could be found practicing steps for a production or a class.

Yes, he did feel horrible for it. Zephyr... he had meant so much to him. So fucking much. And he just threw it all away, didn't he? But he was so good at fucking things up. Why would it be any different with him? Nate wished it had been, and sometimes, he wished he could change himself in a better way. Another form other than that he had. But as many times as he picked up his phone and stared at the boy's number, he didn't do anything. Once or twice he called, or attempted to. But he just immediately hung up. He was scared. He was so much better off imagining the boy living happy, and free, instead of possibly knowing the complete opposite.

All he had ever wanted was the best for the boy.

He shook his head, clearing his mind, and removed his eyes away from the window where they had been staring out. It took some time, but the boy eventually got himself out of the bed and properly dressed again. Even if he was pretty sure that his shirt was on backwards. Oh well. It wasn't like that there was anyone out there he needed to impress. Besides, what sane human being was up at this time at night? Or morning. Whatever.

His short, callused fingers ran through his dark brown hair as he stretched, yawned. God, he really wished he could actually got back to bed now. But Nate wasn't the type to stick around and wake up with a person in the morning. That involved too much of a connection for him; he never felt that with anyone. None of these people were important enough to be more than just a one night stand. Fuck. He didn't even know half of their names. Yeah, Nate was really that much of a whore. But did it really matter? He sure as hell wasn't the only one who was like this.

Stumbling his way out of the random house, he started up on another joint. No, he did not care whether or not anyone saw him with it. Campus security never paid much attention, and there weren't that many cops around this part of the city. Or he hoped so. One thing he definitely did not need on his pallet was a criminal record. He might die if he ever got to that. Yeah, he definitely did see it happening to him at some point. Just not anytime soon.

Somehow, he managed to make it back to the general campus area. Every now and then he had stopped and watched the changing colors of the sky, the area around him, the stars slowly vanishing in the sky. A small smile was pressed onto his lips as he watched this. And it only made him realize how much he had missed the boy, how much he wished things hadn't changed. But every life comes with changes, don''t they? Or did he just think into that too much?

A sigh passed through his lip as he threw the small end of the joint off to the side. Yeah, the might have been some random, idiotic grin on his face as he stumbled (and almost fell) through the campus grounds. You know, for a dancer, he really didn't have that much grace to him. He was really rather clumsy, but he somehow made it all work with him. When he danced, his mind and soul were completely in a different place. He was actually focused, coordinated. And yeah, he didn't really give a fuck what people though about him. And he might have gotten more than enough gay jokes for his major. But it was his passion, or one of them at least, and that's all that mattered to him. Which was a good thing right?

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see another person but paid no mind to him, them. And that was until he saw the figure holding the camera up, and then look down, and somewhat quickly look back up at him. Or so he thought. He wasn't sure. Though, he may have stopped mid-step when he was able to see the guy's face. Part of him believed that it was just his mind playing tricks on him while the other part wanted to believe what he saw in front of him.

Nate's facial expression had changed from whatever it had been before. His brow furrowed, as if he was thinking. No. It really, really couldn't be. Could it? He couldn't be; it wasn't. He blinked, once, or twice. Maybe thrice. He just... He wouldn't know if he just stood there and stared, would he?

He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth for a second before releasing it. The only way to find out was to ask, right? "Z-Zephyr?"[/size][/blockquote]

• • • • • •
TAG zephyr
STATUS done
OUTFIT hisfckinghips
WORDS 1,068
CREDITS mememeandtheacademyis
NOTES nate's such a douche sometimes.

[zephyr drew clayton]

How could eighteen years of close friendship go up in smoke in less than two weeks? Zephyr could remember waiting with his cell phone ready to pick up, answer just the one call he was looking to find. But that call never came. And when Zephyr attempted to call Nate, he ended up just getting an answering machine message. They hadn’t exchanged where Nate was going, so it was impossible for him to be able to find his best friend. Zephyr was stuck at home for another two years. His first year of college he’d been able to do closer to home, but they had recommended he come out to the Vegas university. The farther away he got from his farther, the happier he was. But no matter how far he traveled, his safety blanket was never there to reassure him. Nate had been the one stable thing in his life; the one thing that kept Zephyr going. If Nate wasn’t there, then he wouldn’t of made it past the age of ten. It was a sad but true realization. But how could such a strong relationship just be cut off when they had so much together?

Then again, it wasn’t so hard to understand if Nate was tired of taking care of him. Just the thought made him wince. Every time Nathanial had offered to help, Zephyr always tried to protest. He could only remember a few times when he had been too incoherent to say any of the protests that had left his mouth. The reason why Nate had hid things from him about his leaving still had Zephyr in a mystery. It didn’t make sense to him why he had just… left. Okay, so it was Nate’s life and he had a choice about what he did with it, but he had thought that they would always be a part of each other no matter what their live choices were. Zephyr had been abandoned by his mother and left with his father; making every beating double because his mother wasn’t there to get battered like he was. It had been so hard to survive those two years with no support. The one thing that kept Zephyr going was the fact that he was almost out. So come to getting that freedom he had promised himself.

But it was hard to forget the memories that seemed to burn themselves into his brain even when he tried to erase them. Standing here on campus staring at his past made it seem like Zephyr hadn’t gotten anywhere at all. For the longest time, he had thought he was getting far enough away from anything that could ever hurt him. Sure, Zephyr had been disappointed with his family, but he never thought that he could feel the same way about Nate. It was a selfish thing of him to think; he quickly cut off the thought, shredding it within his thoughts. But the hurt was so strong. It dragged down his body, making his heart feel like it was just going to stop beating and fall from his chest to helplessly die on the cold gravel between his feet. His breathing caught in his throat at the angry that swelled at both himself and at the boy standing across from him. Two years. Nothing. Two years. Useless hope. Two years. Love.

Zephyr couldn’t conduct his body to do anything. He was stuck just staring forward and letting all the emotions devour him while only one displayed on his face. Shock. It was five months into the school year and they hadn’t even come close to intruding on each other’s classes? But Nate had always been a grade ahead of him. It was possible that he hadn’t known either. Or, was it that he had finally wanted to see Zephyr again and he had come looking for him? Even though he knew that last one probably was too far out there to make sense, it was the one that Zephyr wished was true. It was make him feel a little less worthless to the people he cared about in his life. The lump in his throat made it almost impossible for him to give a response. Oh, that voice. The easy tone he was so used to hearing; the one he yearned for at night when he felt the least safe. Yet when it finally came to him in the real form, he wasn’t able to direct his body to respond.

His lips parted, only letting out a soft but shaky exhale. His right foot drug forward, taking him another step closer to Nate. Three more steps and he would be there; right in front of him. He swallowed nervously, closing his lips and blinking. His hand flew to his face, brushing the droplet away before it could streak down his already fucked up eyeliner. A shiver drifted over his thin body when a gush of wind passed over the trail, seeping in through his jacket and chilling his skin. Zephyr inhaled and tried to calm himself before he stuttered out a quiet, scared reply. “W-What are you doing he-here, Nate?” It almost opened up the flood gate. He could feel it coming. The water works; the toxic words that sizzled on his tongue, dying to be spat forth to make the other feel as worthless as he had from the moment he had left. But he wouldn’t really let them come, would he? Well, he did.

“Y-you left. You weren’t there. H-he tried to ki-kill me, and you weren’t the-there!” He spat the words incoherently, trying to avoid letting the tears slid down his face. But it was impossible to hold them back with the next thought that passed over his mind. “You didn’t call. Y-you didn’t try.” the realization shouldn’t of hurt as much as it did. Zephyr’s lower lip quivered and he drew his foot back again, feeling the need to just run away. Run away from the one thing that had hurt him the most. A broken heart felt worse than any slap or kick. “You didn’t care,” The last sentence was the clearest string of words that had left his lips in the past five minutes.


_______________
STATUS finished.
WORDS 1041 words.
NOTES it's love. it just... doesn't seem like it yet.

[nathaniel spencer harlow]

NATE… HE WASN’T SURE HOW TO

[/b] feel right then. A face that he hadn’t seen in two years was staring right at him. And he instantly regretted so much. Not calling, the leaving, the everything. But it wouldn’t have been Nate if he just stayed there, if everything turned out with a happy ending. That wasn’t how Nate’s life worked, it never had been. Everything was fucked up, messed up, and everything usually ended up falling like an avalanche. It was at those times when he’d drink more, smoke more. But he had known his limits, so he was safe from going overboard. Except for that one time. The time where he had the brief girlfriend who ended up pregnant and left him. Long story short, Nate became a bit of a mess for a few days before jumping back up on his feet and returning to his former state.

He was a better actor than many people gave him credit for.

Zephyr’s question made him flinch just a bit, biting down on his bottom lip. This boy… fuck, this boy had way too much power over him. Even after two years. It was like there hadn’t been that gap. Like it had just been yesterday when Nate last saw him. He really wished it was. “I-I go to school he-here,” he stuttered, slurred, answered back.

Maybe he hadn’t woken up. Maybe he was still back in that bed, or in his dorm, and he was just dreaming. The other boy really wasn’t there. It was all just his mind playing tricks on him. And, really, he was really wishing it fucking was. His words, his news, his accusation fucking killed Nate, broke his heart. And he couldn’t bring himself to move, or to say anything. So he just stood there, frozen. Perhaps he shouldn’t have left. He could have just always stayed back in Chicago. After all, there was no real reason why he had needed to come down to Las Vegas.. right? When you ignored the fact that his mother was basically ushering him here. Well, it was all too late to think about the “what if’s” that could have happened if he didn’t leave, too late to take any of it back.

“Zeph…. I…” he started, but stopped himself. And really, he was hoping to wake up at any moment now. This could not be real. But that moment never came. And when he reopened his eyes, the boy was still standing there. “I did care. I do care,” he admitted, quietly, broken. “I…” He closed his mouth again. Once again, Nate had fucked up. And with each moment it was hitting him more and more. The younger boy did have every right to hate him. Nate had been an absolute dick and left him alone. And no, he was not proud of himself.

His wide brown eyes stared at the boy, looking for something. What? He wasn’t sure. Just… anything. But all he saw was a hurt boy. Biting down on his lips again, he shook his head and looked down. What was going on? A simple random thought about the boy, a remembering, was now a reality. The world worked in funny ways, Nate had found out, and someone up there must have really hated him. Or had some twisted form of love for him. Whatever it was, he didn't care. All he cared about was the fact that he was officially losing one thing he wanted to keep forever.

He blinked away a few tears that had been trying to escape. No, Nate was not the one to ever cry. Not in public or in front of anyone at least. His eyes looked over at the boy, and he didn't blame him for looking like he was about to run. Hell, he wouldn't blame him if he actually ran. Though.. he was glad that the boy didn't. It gave him a chase to say something he had been wanting to for so long. Now only if he could get the words out.

"Zephyr," he started once again. This time he took a small step toward the boy, reaching out and placing his hand on the boy's arm, almost his hand but not quite. Fuck, it had been too long since he had last touched him, but that didn't stop any of those once abandoned feelings from coming back to him at the simple contact. "I'm so, so sorry." It might have been safe to say that his former high was now gone. They had never lasted long anyway. And there was now a dull thud in his head. His buzz was wearing off and the hang over was no kicking in. Fuck, could things get worse?[/size][/blockquote]

• • • • • •
TAG zephyr
STATUS done
OUTFIT hisfckinghips
WORDS 792
CREDITS mememeandtheacademyis
NOTES they need to be cute soon. like
lovey-dovey cute. yes. they do. .

[zephyr drew clayton]

You never really knew what you had until it was gone. Zephyr was coming to that sick realization as he stared forward of him, searching Nate’s face. He’d lost something he should of never let go. He should of begged for him to stay, show how weak he really was if he happened to just disappear without even trying to show Zeph how to live on his own. But he didn’t. He didn’t beg because there wasn’t enough time to do anything about it. One day, he woke up and Nate was gone. It was such a simple situation, so why did it feel so complicated? It should just be something that Zephyr was able to brush off his shoulder, but he couldn’t because you couldn’t push away love like it was nothing. Or at least, he couldn’t. School. Right. But, if that was true, how had they not seen each other before? Zephyr was only a sophomore though and Nate was probably a junior.

It would make sense considering dorms were held in different locals and their classes would be different. But all this time. This whole year, Nate had been so close without him even knowing it. Zephyr didn’t say anything. As far as he was concerned, there was nothing more to say. He had the choice to just turn away and walk away like he wasn’t leaving his life behind; standing right across from Nathaniel. But what he wished for was to be encased in the other’s strong embrace, just as he remember it to be. Back then, it wasn’t rare for Nate to hug him. He knew that it was the one thing that could calm Zephyr down in a matter of seconds. But now, it would be too much for him to handle. He’d become clingy, afraid to ever let go of Nate in fear that he’d just disappear again. And he probably would. He was so tired of waiting for answer that he’d never get. Why should he wait anymore.

His head moved, shaking back and forth. Zephyr almost raised his foot, ready to step away from this who scene to just avoid all the possible lies that Nate was going to tell him. Excuses. “N-no you didn’t. Y-you don’t. You were j-ju-just glad you d-didn’t have to take care of me any-anymore.” He spat the words, feeling his lower lip quiver weakly. He was trying to be strong and hold it in, but this felt worse than anything he had ever had to put up with. His heart continued to sink as he slashed off all the hopes he didn’t realize he had ever had. That someday, he and Nate would be in it together again. They’d put his father away for all the pain he’d caused him. They’d be able to wake up in the morning without having to take count in how bad things worse compared to the night before. That one day, Nate would come back to him and explain that he’d run away because he was afraid of his feelings.

How stupid he felt. To have such hopes that could never come true for a worthless person like Zephyr. The only escape out of this kind of life was tasting so sweet. So, so, bitter sweet. Sure, after Nate had left, he’d thought about suicide. It’d just bring less of a burden to his father. He wouldn’t have anyone else to take care of anymore. But now, it just felt like it was the only way to avoid dying from lack of oxygen. Really, Zeph felt as if he couldn’t breath. The oxygen was ridding itself from his body in use of giving him what he wanted. Hearing that rich voice again set a jolt to his brain. What was he doing? This was Nate. His best friend. His not so school boy crush. His savior. He swallowed past the lump in his throat and forced himself to listen. None the less, it was what he had always did. He never spoke up for himself in fear that it’d be wrong and he’d just be beaten down like so many other occurrences.

The touch on his arm made him just. It sent a spark of feeling over his entire body, making his heart race. Nate could never know how good it felt just to feel his small, simple touch. Sorry? What was there to be sorry for? For abandoning Zephyr to a life that most kids didn’t make it out of? For making him realize how they had never had a friendship, but a relationship that was so secret they weren’t even aware of it until one of them were gone? He didn’t know what to believe anymore. Zephyr choked on a quiet sob and before he knew it, his hand was lifting and his shoulder was pulled back. His palm collided with Nate’s cheek, letting out a loud smacking noise. It seemed to echo into his ears the moment the momentum had left his hand. He dropped it back to his side, feeling his lips start to part to instantly spill out an apology. But he stopped himself. This time, Zephyr had a right to do what he had done.

The boy stepped forward with a quick bounce, latching his arms around Nate’s waist. He pulled himself closer, burring his face into the ever so warm crook of his neck and shoulder. His grip tightened as he inhaled the scent of his cologne, lodging it back within his memory. Without thinking, his lips tenderly touched the skin, begging for the affection he had been lacking for far, far too l-o-n-g.


_______________
STATUS finished.
WORDS 941 words.
NOTES D'AWWW.

[nathaniel spencer harlow]

THE WORLD REALLY HAD BEEN SIMPLE…

[/b] at one point. Sure, he had spent most of his childhood acting as a father rather than a child. But the boy had no choice. His mother was trying hard to make it through to her dream. And he thought that was important…. Or he tried to. This may have been how he became such a helpful person, a caring person. Yeah, beyond that big, egotistical head of his, lied someone who cared so much more about everyone else more than his own self. But he had learned long ago that that was the easiest way to get hurt, the easiest way to be vulnerable. So, on the outside, he always tried to be someone stronger, less vulnerable. And well, it’s almost worked. He hasn’t been hurt that bad. But anyway.

After having taken care of his two sisters, helping his best friend hadn’t seemed like anything. It was pure nature for him. Never a burden like his friend had thought it to be. But was that really what the boy thought? That Nate had felt that he had to help him instead of wanting to do it? No, oh god, no. He had loved his friend (to which extent, he wasn’t sure. And that scared him more than he liked for it to) and cared about him. The boy was the closest thing he had, his safe zone, his… his fucking everything. And he gave up on all of that.

He really wanted to say something, explain himself. But he couldn’t.

Leaving was definitely Nate's hardest decision, or action. He had wanted to stay with the boy, help him, save him. He had wanted to do so much for the other boy that he wasn't sure if he'd be able to. He'd only set themselves (or himself) up for disappointment. And he wasn't sure how to tell the other he was leaving. It hurt too much. But the two years without any contact may have hurt even more. Nathaniel Spencer Harlow would never admit that he was in love, but he was sure it was true. Ha, he would be apart of a lifetime movie, clichéd, love story. Not that he had wanted to acknowledge it, or even complain about it. This was Nate's ability in life though. Love was that one thing that he feared and wanted the most at the same time. But he was way too young. He didn't want to be settled down; he was still trying to figure out who he was. But maybe he had already found that.

But instead of saying anything, he just remained silent. Lips parted open just the slightest bit as his confused, hurt, tired eyes looked at the boy. Nate had always been the one to fail at speaking his feelings. Whenever he did, the words always came out wrong or things just became awkward. So he never really admitted anything. He'd agree, disagree, touch, kiss, whatever felt appropriate for a reaction. He wasn't the smoothest, smartest, or even the best person on the planet. But he would try. And that's all that mattered right?

His eyes stayed on the boy, studying him. And then... they widened while they say the hand raising up. And, yeah, he was just a little bit afraid, a little scared. But he let it happen, let the hand come in contact with his face. As it happened, he closed his eyes, wincing and holding his breath. Nate knew he deserved it. He was an ass, a jerk, a... whatever else you wanted to call him. But then again, Nate had always been the one to let his friend do whatever he had wanted to him to help him. Seriously, if the boy had wanted to beat the shit out of him, he would have let him. But Zephyr was probably the only one who would ever get that ability with him.

What confused Nate the most, was when the boy came closer to him, hugged him. He blinked, once, twice, three times before his arms wrapped themselves around the boy, holding him to him. And while he knew the boy was so much stronger than he appeared, he still felt like the boy would crumble under him if he held him too tight. As he lowered his head down onto Zephyr's shoulder, he felt a soft touch of lips on his neck. And even if it was small little thing, it still sent a shiver though out his body. And it may have caused him to tighten his grip on the boy just a little bit. One of his hands rubbed the boys back gently, as he lifted his head just a bit and pressed his lips against the boy's cheek. “I missed you,” he whispered, honest and sincere. If the boy didn't believe him, then he didn't know what he'd do. But as honest as he had been the whole time they had been in each other's presence, the other hadn't seemed to believe anything that was coming through his lips.

And if there was one thing that Nate couldn't do, that was lie to Zephyr. [/size][/blockquote]

• • • • • •
TAG zephyr
STATUS done
OUTFIT hisfckinghips
WORDS 862
CREDITS mememeandtheacademyis
NOTES ilthem<3

[zephyr drew clayton]

There was a point in Zephyr’s life when he knew he was going to be asking himself if what he was doing was really worth his time. His biggest fear in life was not just rejection, but being rejected from Nate. The fear of making his feelings known to the other boy had him held back. It was probably the main reason why he didn’t notice his feelings until Nate was gone. Sure, Zephyr was young and he could still be counted as a ‘child’ but for the young age of twenty, he was very mature in the way he handled things. But the reason why he was like that was because when he was a child, he was on his own independence. Of course, Zephyr told Nate everything, but not to the full exact truth. He couldn’t expect someone to understand when they weren’t having the things actually happen to them. Even then, he had never lied.

He’d always loved feeling the boy’s gentle touch trying to reassure him that everything would be okay. He just had to lay beside him for the night and then the morning would come and it would feel a little better even if it didn’t look better. After Nate had left, nothing got better. If anything, it got worse. The tears prickled against his eyelids more, making him try and blink them away. There were some situations where he had put himself in his father’s path because he had wanted the pain. There wasn’t anyone else to fix it after Nate was gone. It was his way of getting the emotional pain out. He transfixed it into physical pain to where his thoughts would change to that instead of how he was really feeling. With no one there to pick up the pieces, Zephyr would crumble one slap or kick at a time. No one wanted to save him anymore.

But then again, could you be saved from the unfixable? Zeph didn’t think so.

Seeing the look on Nathaniel’s face after his hand had slapped against the ever so amazing skin just about killed him. He forced a swallow past the lump in his throat, trying to keep his expression strong no matter how much he wanted to break. He’d never hidden from Nate like this. It worried him that he couldn’t even act the way he used to around his best friend anymore. For him, it wasn’t fair that he himself was the only person he really trusted anymore. Everyone else had ripped the solitude right from under his feet at some point in his life; even the boy standing right across from him that he had trusted his life with. It almost made Zephyr rip away from the touch he had conducted by himself on Nate. But he didn’t step out of the tight embrace; not yet. He was so engulfed at how good it felt to hold Nate against him. His fingers locked together at the small of his back and his face was pressed perfectly into the crest of his neck.

Zephyr felt the other shiver after his lips had touched his neck and it made his own heart jump at the reaction. What did that mean? That Nate enjoyed the affection that they were exchanging? He sure hoped so. That meant that there was still hope. Zephyr wanted to strange the feeling to second it started to kindle in his spirit. He would not allow himself to be hurt just as bad as he had been before. It made another sob trail from his lips, soaking into the fabric of Nate’s shirt that covered his shoulder. Why couldn’t he just let it be like it used to be? Well, because Zephyr didn’t know how. No matter how much he really wanted to, he couldn’t just drop the fact that Nate had left and gone two years without trying to save the scrap of ‘friendship’ they had had. He swallowed hard, listening to that soothing voice. “I missed you more,” he breathed out, letting his breath roll against Nate’s neck.

He knew the truce they had. They were always honest to each other, even if it caused a difference to happen between them. But if that were true, why was he so afraid to really tell Nate about his feelings? Surely there couldn’t be a really bad reaction… could there be? He shook the thoughts away, deciding to express it in a slightly different way. Zephyr pulled his face back, inhaling a deep breath. He smiled tenderly at the lips on his cheek, but that wasn’t enough for him. His chocolate eyes glanced down at Nate’s lips, noting the pouty curve that was still present. His stomach did a summer salt as he leaned in, closing his eyes and latching their lips together. They’d kissed before, but this was so much different. Before, it had just been something to reassure one another. Just a simple peck here and their. With this kiss, his hand moved up, curling into those dark locks of hair while he pressed into Nate’s lips with as much passion as he could manage.


_______________
STATUS finished.
WORDS 858 words.
NOTES -gasp-

[nathaniel spencer harlow]

TRUTH BE TOLD, NATHANIEL HAD AN issue with being his true self. What was his true self? Well, he wasn’t exactly sure anymore. For the past two years, he had been hiding the truly clingy, affectionate little boy he was on the inside. The boy was so much more needy than he let on. And he didn’t want anyone to know that about him. Now, Zephyr might have known this. He wasn’t sure. From what he could recall, everything (on most nights) had always been about him. And Nate had always been fine with that. Sure, Nate had his own problems, but he kept most of them in. It wasn’t the healthiest, or sanest, thing on the planet, but it was how he dealt with himself. He didn’t like dwelling on things. All he did was live in the moment and accelerate himself forward. And he just kept doing that until the past came back and bit him in the ass.

It happened a lot more than you would think.

But things with Zephyr had always been different. The boy had never left his mind since the day he left. He plagued him, and it scared the shit out of him. Or course, their friendship, relationship, was so much more than what the eye could see. So much more than what they could see. And Nate had just left I behind. Fuck, the reason Nate had never called was more because of the fact that he was afraid of what he might say… and what the other boy would have to say to him. Sure, Nate wasn’t the one to admit his feelings, but sometimes he couldn’t help it. They just slipped past those full lips of his without so much as a second thought… until after it was said of course. This was something that got him into trouble a lot.

He didn’t argue with the boy when he spoke, he didn’t want to. What would have been the point? All Nate had to defend himself was what went on inside of his mind. And he really didn’t think that was enough. His eyes closed when he felt the breath on his neck. Even though he may have felt something similar only a few hours ago, this was somehow different. Something familiar.

Part of Nate, something deep down, had known that there was something more going on with him and the younger boy. And there was also a part of him that didn’t like to acknowledge it. Commitment, love. They were the biggest fears he had. Maybe that had been why he ran, subconsciously. Everything had seemed so foreign, strange, when he fell asleep and woke up the days following. And maybe he had just been getting used to it. Or something. He wasn’t sure. But a longing he had had for so long was fading into the background. Until now of course.

It took him by surprise when he felt the other boy’s lips on his. And, yeah, sure, they’ve kissed before. But it had never really been anything. Just reassurance or comfort. At least, that’s what Nate had tried to convince himself of. But this… this was different. There was more to it then there had been before. That didn’t stop Nate from doing his normal reaction though. He kissed the boy back, simple at first. Until he noticed the difference. The boy was hesitant, almost frozen, when he felt the hand curl into his hair, felt the other boys passion. Yes, he felt it. But what was it supposed to mean?

He pulled his lips away from the younger boy’s, their faces still close though and eyes still closed. Maybe Nate wasn’t the only one who had noticed what they had (when it was too late, duh), wasn’t the only one who was feeling what he felt. It made his heart rise up again, and beat faster against his chest. Maybe he was just over thinking it though. Maybe it was just a spur of the moment thing that meant nothing like a million and one other kisses Nathaniel had experienced. Or maybe, he was just thinking too much.

Instead of saying something like he had wanted to, he pressed his lips back against the other boys. Gentle at first, until he brought his own form of passion into it, pushing the boy’s body against his. Part because he had wanted to, and part because of pure nature. He wasn’t sure which one dominated his sense, but he didn’t really care at the moment.

• • • • • •
TAG zephyr
STATUS done
OUTFIT hisfckinghips
WORDS 758
CREDITS mememeandtheacademyis
NOTES this is gross. and short. likepeterwentz:|

[zephyr drew clayton]

Kissing Nate should of felt like that one tempted kiss you felt between you and your best friend; just to experiment with your closeness. But it wasn’t just that feeling. It was so much more than that. The only thing was that Zephyr wasn’t sure about was if he still wanted things to grow between them. That would be putting himself in the position of getting hurt again and that was the one thing that he wasn’t to avoid. If it meant having to go on and act like he still didn’t have answers and that he didn’t know where Nathaniel was, well then so be it. At least the first part would be easy. He still didn’t have all those answers that he had been dying to know; even know if he was sure he didn’t want to know them anymore. He just wanted to keep Nate close without their being any side affects to their relationship. After all, wouldn’t it just make things easier between them if they just got it out now with they could instead of waiting too late again for things to change?

Or, was it possible that in them doing that that their friendship would be wrecked and the chance at love would be stolen away by the awkwardness that would follow in after they told each other how they really felt? What if Nate didn’t return those feelings? Then Zephyr would feel like a complete ass and want to get out of the situation as quickly as he possibly could. He never thought he would try and ignore Nate, no matter what he did. Another thing that was also covering the thick layer of frosting on the caking of his thoughts was how he could possibly be thinking about all of this when his lips were attached to the one person’s opposing pair that he had wanted to kiss in over twenty four months? Zephyr cleared his thoughts, focusing on the way that his lips happened to fit perfectly against Nate’s. His feet felt light and his heart was pounding against his chest with the compassion he felt for the other. He never wanted to let go. If this was the way he’d die, then so be it. At least he’d die in the arms of the person he loved.

When Nate pulled his lips back to suck in a breath of oxygen, Zeph allowed his eyelids to slowly pull back as well, looking up at his friend. His dark chocolate ones searched the idle color of Nathaniel’s, waiting for some kind of different reaction. His fingers were still curled into the dark locks of hair, not knowing if he was ever going to be able to loosen his grip that he had. Zephyr didn’t want to have to let go. He loved being able to be this close to Nate without have to worry about where he was going to sleep that night or what part of his body had the most damage conducted to it. Zephyr pushed his eyes closed against when Nate started leaning to him again. At the connection of their lips, he took the time to enjoy what kissing Nate back felt like. He couldn’t remember any other time when they were so… so intertwined like this.

Zephyr moved his free arm up and wrapped it around Nate’s neck, bringing his other hand down to rest on the crest of his shoulder and collarbone. His fingertips rubbed at the fabric, clutching it eagerly when he felt the pressure bring them closer. Zephyr welcomed it, leaning into his friend with a soft or eagerness he hadn’t felt in a long time. He was still a virgin, and after all, he had always thought his first would be Nate. There was nothing else he wanted more than that to be true now. For them to get into a relationship, despite Nate’s fear of the emotion he knew he was feeling right now. His teeth gently pulled the pouty lower lip into his mouth, sucking on it innocently while his thumb stroked against the pulse point in Nate’s neck. Zephyr’s bangs fell forward toward his face, mixing into the darker colored strands handing toward the other’s face. He willed his foot forward, pressing his calf to Nate’s to get their bodies to mingle closer.

The thunder echoed out through the skin before a gentle shower of rain started to damper on them. Even then, Zephyr couldn’t be bothered to pull away from his perfect moment. It was all he had ever wanted. And now, he was getting that. Finally.


_______________
STATUS finished.
WORDS 768 words.
NOTES fail.

[nathaniel spencer harlow]

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WRONG AND RIGHT

[/b] wasn't something that Nate was good at handling. Most of the time, the boy acted purely on impulse, nature, habit. Especially if he was familiar with a particular object in a situation; Zephyr and kissing just happened to be two things he was familiar with. So, it really shouldn't have been that weird, right? And it really wasn't either. It was … more natural than any of the other kisses he's shared with the however many other people he had kissed. It wasn't drunk (fully anyway, there was still a light buzz and drunken stature to him) or lust ensued. Okay, maybe just the tiniest bit of the latter, but not as much as he had with the others.

His hands fell onto the others hips, index fingers sliding into the side belt loops and just holding the boy there. If it had been anyone else, his hands would be elsewhere. Touching, groping, teasing. It was just the way he had always been. Simple as that. Nate was just that much of a whore, as unfortunate as it could be. But he had never seen a problem with it. Lately at least. It was his own doing really. All he had done was just loose the self-control he previously held when he had been younger. But, of course, that had all be when he had been a virgin. Senior year had a year of change for him, sort of. He had lost his virginity that year, even if he had to pay for someone to take it, and mostly little changes started forming around then. But those are just little details.

At the end of he day though, Nate had just been a loveless whore. Nothing less and nothing more.

Sometimes, he would question what it would have been like it he had stayed in Chicago. Maybe the two's relationship would have had blossomed into something. Or perhaps it would have stayed the same. Either way, the two would have been still “together.” And he thought that, maybe, he would have wanted it to be something more, something official. Whether he would be able to maintain it would be a different question though. With his ability, his luck, he would have ruined it. It was just how things always worked for him. Like he wasn't supposed to have his happily ever after. And he knew that his friend deserved so much better than that.

A light rain soon started, and Nate gave the younger boy one more kiss before pulling away just a bit. His dark brown eyes looked at the boy, studying him, as a small crooked smile formed on his lips. Sometimes reality seemed too be way too good sometimes. Just way too fucking good. And not to be a pessimist or anything, but he felt that something bad had too happen. It had always just been the way things worked with him. But this time, he was going to enjoy this. He wasn't going to think about any of the bad that was going to happen whenever it decided to creep in. It was only about him, Zephyr, and whatever it was that he had.

“Come on,” he said quietly, taking his hands away from Zephyr's hips and taking one of his hands in his own, intertwining their fingers. In all honesty, he wouldn't have minded staying out there, lip-locked with the boy. But despite the romantic, clichéd-ness of the situation, it wasn't the healthiest on the planet. And he still did care about, want to protect, the boy. And he did not want the boy getting sick. It was sometimes the little things that Nate often cared about too much. But it showed the difference between those he did and did not really care about.

After taking his hand, he started to lead the boy in the direction of the dorms. Or more specifically, his own. Now, his intentions were all good. Unlike with most people, Nate did bring him here to have sex with him. Only just to get him out of the rain, away from where he could get sick.

Pulling his bottom lip between his teeth, he entered the building and guided the boy to his dorm. And he still really might have still believed this was a dream. Really, what were the odds of the two of them ending up in the same place. But maybe it was a good thing. Maybe now they could revive what they once had, or extend on it. But, he still felt like shit for leaving in the first place. It was a horrible thing for him to have done, but only time could tell what was going to really happen.[/size][/blockquote]

• • • • • •
TAG zephyr
STATUS done
OUTFIT hisfckinghips
WORDS 793
CREDITS mememeandtheacademyis
NOTES really bad, but the best i can do..

[zephyr drew clayton]

Why did things have to go wrong? Why did they have to be wrong? What Zephyr happened to be doing right now wasn’t wrong, was it? Nate was kissing him back; he was sure of that. The way that their bodies happened to be tangled together under the gentle flow of raindrops had to mean just something. Zephyr was allowing his hopes to get far too high and that was putting him in a dangerous situation. But he felt so strongly for Nate that those feelings balanced out that fear. Zephyr knew what he should of done. The moment he had saw Nathaniel’s face, he should of turned his shoulder and ran. His past was the one thing that he wanted to get away from. His biggest disappointment he had ever felt was with the pain that had came when Nate was gone. After that, Zephyr was never the same. There wasn’t anyone there to help him anymore. He would of just been another child to die of abuse. He wouldn’t be missed. He would go by as another rock in the ground that would eventually rot away and become forgotten.

Zephyr was already heading toward that spot of invisibility. How could he of thought that he’d make it all the way through college? The money was running out as it was and he wouldn’t be able to finish his four years that he needed. Which meant his time here on campus was limited. He’d finish his freshmen year and then be forced to drop out because he couldn’t get the money to pay for his classes. Of course, the two jobs he had right then were helping as much as they could, but there were times when he didn’t get to sleep for twenty four hours at a time. His intake on food as rare as well. Most of the time, the most Zeph ate was maybe a granola bar on his break at star bucks. Then his waiting job in the casino gave a strict no food for waiters rule unless they paid the full price and Zephyr certainly couldn’t pay that. But he was still here, wasn’t he? Two years on his own and he had someone managed to stay alive. He wasn’t in the best of health, but he’d set his date on life. It was better to know when you were going to die instead of it becoming unexpected.

He wasn’t good at goodbyes. Why would he have to be? Most of the people in his life just happened to sneak out the door and run. The tears trained down his face but the mixture of rain hide them from existence. Zephyr’s hands clutched at Nate’s shirt. His fingers threaded into the fabric to pull his body as close as he possibly could. He’d get the few things he actually wanted in life and then he’d let go. Number one on his list? Nathaniel. Most of the goals he had were already met. Just a few more left. He never thought he’d see his best friend again, let alone able to kiss him the way he had always wanted to. When Nate started to pull away, his pulse instantly jumped to a new rate of panic. He could feel it; the heavy weight on his heart at the scene he had saw in his head when he had tried to picture their goodbye the way it was suppose to happen. Zeph was afraid to open his eyes, but he knew he’d have to. When the soft brown was finally revealed, he glanced upward at Nate’s face. When he found those eyes looking back at him and then that gentle smile, it was impossible not to smile back.

Even if it was only the farthest corners of his lips turning up in the slightest angle, it was still a smile. A shiver ripped over his body at the cold that started to seep in through his body. Both from the rain and the things he was fearing he would have to face soon enough. But as their fingers laced together and he was lead off toward where ever they were going, Zephyr started to feel safe again. Nate was taking him into safety; away from the things that could hurt him and into the things that would just leave scares. The thin boy stepped into the door, feeling his muscles instantly tighten at the closed space. He hated spending time in his dorm. Most of the time, he only stayed there when he had to sleep. With a swallow of nervousness, his hand clutched tighter around Nate’s, too afraid to let go. His eyes turned up to his friend, wondering what he had been planning by bringing Zephyr back here.

With his heart pounding, he stepped forward with an innocent smile pressed to his lips. Zeph’s free hand moved up to gently rest on Nate’s shoulder. He allowed their lips to touch again, bring them closer with eagerness. It was what Zeph wanted; to give himself to the only person he would ever love. His hands slid down Nathaniel’s chest, rubbing the fabric against the firm surface beneath it. When they reached the hem, they slipped under and greedily covered the inches of skin that the shirt was hiding. The brown haired boy pulled Nate back toward the couch he had spotted when he stepped in the door. Using his weight as well as he could to push his best friend back onto the soft plush furniture. With out a clue in what to do, Zephyr slipped onto of him with his own hips straddling Nate’s. His stomach was tightening with the want, not, the need to be able to have Nate like this. He pushed his tongue forward and into Nate’s mouth. His body melted at the taste that filled his own mouth, moaning uncontrollably. His hips rolled forward absentmindedly into Nate’s. “Please,” he breathed.




_______________
STATUS finished.
WORDS 990 words.
NOTES they make sex cute [=

[nathaniel spencer harlow]

TO BE HONEST, NATE HADN’T REALLY

[/b] wanted to leave. But for whatever reason, his mother had been so proud of him for being accepted her. And he couldn’t let her down; she had worked so hard to not let him become like her (or, at least, have to deal with the struggle she had gone through.) But where did that leave Zephyr? He didn’t know; he didn’t want to leave. He didn’t think he could say that enough. But Nate had never been the one for goodbyes, clean breaks were more his style.

Now insert two years of him staring down at his phone and wishing for courage.

As they walked, he really couldn’t help but bite down on his full bottom lip. Honestly, he still had the concept of something horrible happening. That’s how things always worked. Something good was always followed by something bad. Always. It was just something that belonged in the main properties that applied to Nathaniel Harlow’s life. And it never seemed to fail. Not yet at least. But really, he wished for it to fail. Just for once, just for him to possibly be happy. Was that really too much to ask for? That’s what it always seemed like. Whenever there was something good, something would happen and flip the whole thing around. More times than not, it just happened to be something he did.

Whatever it was that he felt for Zephyr, it scared him a little bit. The boy… he did something to him. He couldn’t exactly pinpoint it, but there was certain something different. And… he just might like it. Maybe. Sure, Nate hadn’t ever been the one for any sort of commitment. He was too young for that, in his mind. But sometimes, tables get turned and everything is different. He was slowly coming to terms with the fact that something more with Zephyr might have been possible. And it was something so, so different than what he has previously felt before. Even with those two girls he had attempted to date while starting college. With each of them, there was nothing there. At least, not when he compared it to what he had previously with the younger boy. You might know the phrase, you never know what you have until it’s gone? Yeah. It was definitely true in this case. He had something that couldn’t have been anything better, and he just simply threw it away. That was Nate for you.

But back to the time being.

He might have been shocked when the boy kissed him again. But not because of that. Not, it had been the other’s hands sliding up his shirt. A small shiver flooded through his body as the slightly cold hands ran up his chest, but nothing stopped him from kissed the boy back. But as time progressed, he felt himself being pushed against the couch. He… he didn’t exactly know if he could do this. Or whatever it was that the younger boy was asking him. Sure, if it had been anyone else, he would have fine. But there was something different about Zephyr that he just couldn’t throw himself at him. He hadn’t wanted to change anything between them….

Wait. Was Nate seriously thinking about denying sex? There was definitely something wrong here.

Nate had gasped just a bit at the contact of their hips, but still pulled himself away a bit, just a few centimeters, breathing harder than normal. “Zeph, I…” I what? He wasn’t sure. His mouth shut then, keeping a small silence between them. His fingers were on the other boy’s sides, lightly playing with them and occasionally slipping underneath. This.. this was too much. Almost. But he was only human, only male. And who was he to say no. “Are you sure?” he asked, after what seemed like forever. As he asked, he pressed his lips to the corner of the others, and trailed them down to his jaw. His fingers slowly slipped under his shirt as he waited for an answer.

In the back of his mind though, he couldn’t help but thing of all the bad that could come out of this. Pain, regret, lose. He wasn’t sure if he could handle it. But as long as the boy was happy, that’s all that mattered to him. It might have been mentioned before that the twenty one year old liked it when people were happy. He liked making them happy, even if it did ruin things for him.

And for Zephyr? He would do anything for him.
[/size][/blockquote]

• • • • • •
TAG zephyr
STATUS done
OUTFIT hisfckinghips
WORDS 761
CREDITS mememeandtheacademyis
NOTES they're cute. and this sucks.

[zephyr drew clayton]

Everyone grew up, no matter who they were. You could wish to be a kid forever but when you were a boy like Zephyr, wishes that actually came true were like once in a million kind of thing. He wished his mother wouldn’t of left. He wished his father could put down the alcohol bottle and his fist. He wished he would of died before anyone else could of noticed that he actually existed. That way, it would have been easier to just give up to the relentless battering sessions he was forced to face. If there would of never been a Nate, right now, Zephyr would just be another grave. It was a scary thing to realize, but it was true. Half the times when Zephyr had gotten away from those hands, it had been for Nate. He knew it would kill the boy to know that he was dead. There wasn’t much to expect however; when Zeph had to go back home. There wasn’t enough money for him to finish out his college years. He’d be gone within the next few months, if not sooner. He just wanted a few hours when he was able to forget about the problems he had to deal with; something that would take it all away.

When he was younger, Nate had been his stress relief. He wasn’t sure it would work the way it used to or if it was even really something he wanted to do, but he strived for those few moments when he felt too good to remember what was eating him away. So, as he attached their lips together for the second time for that morning, Zephyr let it all start to ease away. He focused on how right it felt to be in this kind of position with his once best friend. Nate’s body below his caused wonders for the process of hard to handle thoughts that were rushing through his mind. It was as if a brick wall was put up and all of those thoughts were behind it. The only thoughts that were allowed through were the ones that brought comfort and lust to his current state of action. Zephyr could feel the distraction behind the other’s lips and it triggered a bit of unease behind all the good feelings that he was currently wrapped in. When Nate pulled back, he realized just how needy he had been coming across as.

He didn’t want to open his eyes. Zeph was too afraid that he’d see a disgusted look on Nathaniel’s face; something he would have to run away from. But he forced himself to be brave, even if his heart was thudding up against his chest. When he saw the other’s face and heard the following rejection to be, he winced. The gentle warmth of brown that filled his eyes darted away from Nate’s face and at the floor; fully ready to climb off and show himself the door. Zephyr knew what Nate was seeing. An ugly, needy, battered and scared flicker of his past that he should of never had to tamper with again. He waited for the rest to come, but it never did. Even so, his eyes directed toward the door and his muscles tensed with unease instead of the lust he had been feeling just seconds before. Run. He repeated the work to himself over and over again, but his body would not comply. Zephyr’s breathing caught in his throat when he felt those fingers touch against his skin. He was begging for the contact but he was so sure he’d never feel it the way he wanted it to be directed as.

Zephyr closed his eyes and allowed himself to think. Did he really want this? To be tired to Nate in every way he could ever really have? He did. He wanted Nate to be his first. His first friend. His first crush. His first kiss. The first person that would ever see his body and touch his body with out the intention of causing him pain. A nervous swallowed edged from his throat as he accepted the small affection of the other’s touches. Zeph finally nodded; opening his eyes and peering down to Nate. He did want this. Even if that meant it would just make things harder for him to let go of when he had to leave. “Yes,” he whispered, smiling with a shaky base of his lips. No matter how much Zephyr wanted to be able to tell himself that he belonged to Nate, and like wise, he knew he couldn’t. The commitment would just be too much for the other to handle. He wasn’t going to set himself up for a situation where he would run back home begging for his father to bring out the bottles of alcohol. But then again, what was Zephyr doing now? His hands were edging up under the other’s shirt, tugging it up and off his body.

Falling back in love. That’s what he was doing.


_______________
STATUS finished.
WORDS 839 words.
NOTES -clings to zephyr- omg, dun hurt himm.

[nathaniel spencer harlow]

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN WHO KNOWS

[/b] how long, Nathaniel Spencer Harlow was nervous. Really fucking nervous. It wasn't like him to be this... careful and shy. It wasn't like him at all to question anything. Nate wasn't the one think or try to be rational. But just as always, things were always different when he was with Zephyr. There was always something he couldn't explain, but he was content with that. And just...

He just wanted, felt, and needed so much.

His eyes closed momentarily as the other slid his shirt off, trying to calm his heart down. So many things in his mind were telling him to stop, but he just couldn't. He wanted this... and it appeared that the other boy did. He hoped he did at least. Much like other things, not many people knew that people Nate didn't do too well with guilt. It broke down inside of his brain, picked apart the pieces of whatever it had been. It haunted, plagued and criticized him. It beat, insulted and just murdered him. No, Nate wasn’t all that sane.

When he became a teenager, his mother had brought him to see a psychiatrist. Why? Because what his actions should be for the average teenage male was just too out of whack for her liking. But she had also been one of those who preferred the absolute perfect family. Well, Samantha Harlow failed at that when she had given birth to him at the age of sixteen. And then having his dad walk out on him at the age of four. Life in the Harlow household wasn’t exactly normal, but it could be said to be better than others. But that’s something different.

Without a father, and a mother trying so hard to make it through life, he was almost forced to become a father to his little sisters. Or, at least, he took the role of it. He felt like he had to, so he did. And this was at the age of eight, when he was far, far too young to be left alone with a newborn. He did it though. Nate always liked playing the good guy, the hero of sorts. And it was just really habit when he had been done anything for Zephyr. But don’t let that make you think he didn’t want to. No, fuck, he wanted to be there for him.

The boy was something he couldn’t explain. Something broken and beautiful. And just so fucking perfect. In his eyes at least. He knew the other wouldn’t see it, but it was the fucking truth.

Nate’s wide brown eyes looked at the other boy, almost studying him, looking for some sign that was telling him no. He found none. His fingers worked their way over the others pale skin, the pads of his fingers just touching so gently. Yes, he was aware that the other wasn’t fragile, but he wouldn’t be able to stand himself if he had ever hurt the other. Maybe it was too late for that. But he didn’t want to do any further damage.

Gently, lightly, he pressed his lips against Zephyr’s. What the boy did to him scared him. What he felt for the boy scared him. What he wanted to be with the boy scared him even more. There was so much there, and he wasn’t sure what to do. Confess, or run. Well.. He might have already accomplished the running part. But could he confess it? He had never admitted his feelings. The true ones at least. All he ever did was tip-toe around them, avoid them. And he knew that he boy deserved so much, especially with everything he had been through. In Nate’s mind, the younger boy was too good for him.

In all honesty, Nate never meant to be so negative about himself. It was just the way he was. A hidden pessimist underneath all of the optimist bullshit he played off every day. But the boy never took the time to go through his problems, to talk to anyone. He was always set on the happiness of other people. Nate’s biggest downfall was caring too much about other people, even if they didn’t get a rat’s ass about him.

His hands were hesitant as they roamed over the boy’s bare skin. This wasn’t something that he had imagined happening when he woke up in a stranger’s bed, when he redressed himself. All he imagined doing was going back to bed once he got back to his dorm and sleeping the rest of his day away. Maybe practice a few dance steps, but still sleep all day nonetheless. His teeth gently bit into the other’s bottom lip before he pulled away, giving enough room for him to be able to pull the other’s shirt off.

And to be honest, he was still waiting to wake up again.

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• • • • • •
TAG zephyr
STATUS done
OUTFIT hisfckinghips
WORDS 816
CREDITS mememeandtheacademyis
NOTES <3.

[zephyr drew clayton]

Sometimes, it seemed like if Zephyr could go back and choose to never look out his bedroom window into the perfect view of Nate’s room that he wouldn’t of ever been presented the help that the other supplied for him. Of course, he’d probably be dead by now but in Zeph’s way of seeing it, life was harder than death. Death was peaceful; easy. Life was chaotic; hard. A soul mate was something that everyone was supposed to have. Sure, there was that rare few that died alone, but that was either because of choice or never finding that perfect person that would fit them and bring them to live their lives to the fullest. Zephyr knew he had found his soul mate, but it just so happened that those feelings weren’t matched by the other person. Nate had other people he could care about. He didn’t need Zephyr to butt into his new life. After all, he’d run from that in the first place, hadn’t he?

All Zephyr was requesting was this one thing from Nate. It would probably be the only time he got to experience his body when he wasn’t in control anymore. It satisfied him to know that Nate would be the only person that had ever used, no, cared for his body in that way. Anything else seemed that it wouldn’t feel right. Zephyr just wanted a chance in his life when everything really would be okay because he had long gone forgotten about it all. In return, he didn’t want to hurt Nate when he had to tell him that he had to leave. His friend had to understand, didn’t he? If there was no money, how could he continue his life here at the college? Surely, there wouldn’t be anyone that would pay for him and in consideration that Zephyr would be working his whole life to try and pay them back; where was the point in staying? The way that he saw it was that things just needed to chance for a little while before he could accept his old life style, no matter how dangerous and endless it would seem.

The one that that he remembered the most about when Nathanial too care of him was how gentle he always was. The most he had ever hurt the wounds more was when they were open cuts and he had to put that stupid stingy cream on them. Even know, as his body was caressed in a sort of way, Nate was still very gentle. Zephyr willed his eyes a small peak; looking down with his teeth fledging forward and latching onto his lower lip as he took in Nate’s expression. His friend was looking right back, searching him for some sort of answer. What ever he was looking for, he must of got it. Zeph could feel Nate relax below him some, which kind of reminded him of the true place where he wanted to be. Okay, so saying that he wished they were back in Nate’s bedroom at home wouldn’t of worked well, but he could be satisfied with his dorm bedroom. At the feeling of lips against his, a small smile tweaked on his lips from the edge of fire that spread over his core. He pressed back into the kiss, poking out his skinny shoulder blades to arch himself closer to Nate.

Everything did actually feel like a dream to Zeph. Maybe it was. Maybe it was the lack of sleep he had gotten from when he woke up too early to get the shots of the meadow. But how could those teeth dragging his own lower lip away from his mouth not be real? Nate was here, and so was he. Right now, that’s all that mattered to Zephyr. The boy sat up some to help assist in getting his top off. The thick, damp fabric dropped to the with a soft thud. What he hadn’t noticed was how highly hitched his breathing had gotten in the past few minutes. Nate. Naked. Hadn’t that been what he had been dreaming about for the past few years of his life? He leaned back down, attacking his own lips to his friend’s before his hands wrapping around the other’s waist, pulling him forward. He leaned up, managing to get Nate to his feet with him. The nervousness built with every backwards step as he made his way to the bedroom. But he did want this. That wasn’t a fault in his mind.

Zephyr didn’t bother turning on the lights. The darkness of the room seemed to have a more soothing affect on his body than the light of the living room. He bumped the door shut with his hip so he was then able to turn his full attention back on Nate. Their height had always been comical to him. Zeph had always been taller by a few inches. Even then, their faces were nearly level. His tongue ran over his lips to dampen them before he allowed them to connect with the skin that covered Nate’s neck. It felt warm under his lips and it drived him to cover more skin. Zeph stepped closer, running his hands down the bare surface of Nate’s chest. They rested on the band of his jeans after sliding down his thighs teasingly. He forced the nervousness away and grabbed the button that latched the other’s jeans together. Spider like fingers worked quickly and smoothly to remove the denim from Nathanial’s waist and legs.

He felt satisfied once he listened to the soft thump that sounded from the jeans colliding with the solid floor. Zeph breathed in through his nose, not wanting to remove his lips from the tender skin of Nate’s collarbone. Even his skin tasted good. With a step back in search for the bed; leaning back when he hit the edge of it with the back of his calves, the boy pulled the other on top of him as his back hit the bed. The warmth from Nate’s body covered Zephyr, making him gasp. He finally pulled his mouth away, heaving in breaths. He wanted his jeans off. Now. The young boy was ready to beg for the pleasure that Nate could bring to him. Anything that would make this fire kindle into a wildfire. Uncontrollable. Beautiful. Disastrous.

“Nate,” he panted. “Now. Please.” The desperation in his voice reaching it’s highest level.


_______________
STATUS finished.
WORDS 1078 words.
NOTES i actually really liked that post.